Mother is Here!

 

  I can hear the rustling of her saree.

I can hear the tinkle of her bangles , the majestic but musical sounds of her silambu ,her voice that calls out to my name and the sweet sound of veena.

She holds the paasa and ankusa ,a beautifully curved sugar cane bow and an arrow consisting of five flowers. My gaze falls on her abhaya hasta and all the fear in my heart disappears that instant.

What I really need now and would need always are her lotus feet. Adorned with  designs in red and jewellery that seem to shine with the radiance of her holy feet, they fill my eyes with the only thing I need to see. Her  ten toenails that shine like ten moons all at the same time throw soft light at my  tired eyes .

“You were expecting me?” 

She asks me as she comfortably seats herself in the sorry space of my cramped heart. Only she can do such a thing. My hridayam is a pathetic place.

“ Amma, I am thinking of fixing that…space. Sorry, you surely deserve to be seated in a  nicer place!” My voice breaks.

“ I know. But you are my lazy child . arent you?” she says with no hint of anger .

Her eyes look at mine straight as they always do. They are full of smiles.

I gather myself. “ Ofcourse I was expecting you Amma. Its Navaratri.”

“ Bought new decorative lights . Cribbed about the price . didn’t you?”

“Mmm…If you ask me , we shouldn’t be spending on such stuff.”

She smiles again. Just the way I smile when my kids make creative excuses .

“ What’s special , this year?”

“ The same ma. No onion , no garlic , since the Mahalaya paksham started . Navaratri, then Vijaya Dasami and the next day is Ekadasi. One cannot start eating chips and namkeens from dwadasi. Your brother may be offended. So all in all, it’s a month without junk food!”

She chuckles.

I excitedly add,” And Ma, don’t think I am too dumb to understand your humor , generally at my expense. Two years ago, I was trying to observe my satvik food policy and for a few days in to Navaratri, wasn’t able to cook as I wasn’t feeling well. My monkey-mind told I need not observe diet rules then. A less monkey- part of my mind said “An oath is an oath.”.So,we went to a restaurant as I didn’t cook and I ordered jeera rice thinking it would be filling and onion-less. …”

“So what happened?” Mother asks innocently.

“The first and last plate of jeera rice that I ever saw, came to me …topped with finely cut onions…!” I laugh.

She laughs aloud too.

“ You are also my candid child. Is that all you can think about during Navaratri? “Nice food” I mean.”

I smile too. She has a way of making me analyse myself without making it hard for me. 

“Amma,  as you know, I may chant Abirami Anthadi  . I may complete a painting and dedicate it you . I may err..…sing …and you’ll have to bear with it! I may spend the days doing my usual chores while thinking of you at least once  in the day…and walk closer to you in the process.”

She softly touches my head. 

“ You may be very slow. But you are on the right track. Don’t get side tracked. You , or for that matter anyone who seeks me, can find me.” 

Copious tears fall and she strokes my head through it. 

Suddenly I wonder. The “ good” changes in me may be too small and not very significant but how did they start in the first place?

So that must be it!

“ Amma, you’ve been modifying my OS while I am asleep, isnt it? So,  it’s you who put the small flame of desire to find you in my heart!” 

She looks at me sharply.

“ Do you think I cannot change your entire system while you are all awake in the jagrat state? Silly girl.”

“………………………………….”

“ Look at her surprise.” She gently pulls my legs.

I ask in a small voice.” Amma, You put the flame. Can you not convert it on to a blazing fire that would consume all my karmas, like ,in an instant?”

“ In good time, my dear. You are a raw mango .And, just like many others, you have a chance of  becoming  a ripe mango that would eventually fall from the tree. So, shed the laziness. Make some efforts towards that end, will you? I need to get going now to meet some of your brothers and sisters.“

As I looked, her sweet form became less dense and a soft light , a sort of a  sweet after glow filled the place.

Ya Devi sarva bhuteshu

Shraddha rupena samsthitha

Namastasyai, namastasyai, namastasyai namo namaha.

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